When we are little girls and boys, we are taught to speak a certain way and behave a certain way but as you get older, especially now in this ever changing world, those rules are slowly disappearing one by one. Quite frankly, I find it liberating. It makes it okay for me to tell my daughter and my son the real deal about marriage and love. Not those fairy tale stories my mom told me and watched me walk into marriage with an unrealistic view of what married life and life in general is really all about. Don't get me wrong. I love my husband with every fiber of my being but I would have thought twice about a few things before I said 'I do.' I would have liked for my mother to have explained that there could have been a possibility that my husband could be totally oblivious to fiscal responsibility and spend all the money I worked for. I wish that she would have been real with me about what really goes on in the marital bed. I wish she would have been real with me when it came to arguments and decision making and gave me some insight regarding how to really resolve a conflict that just won't be resolved when I needed it to be resolved. She never said that my patience would be pushed, stretched, and dragged through hell and high water not by my children but by my man. When I asked her why she never said anything about some of this, all she said was "I had hoped that you would not go through that so, I didn't want to put it in the air." It took all that misshapen patience and self-control not to slap the shit out of her. She went through most of these things but never thought it a good idea to at least tell me the warning signs. My parents were good about hiding the real deal about their marriage. Some stuff we saw growing up but a lot we didn't and that would have been nice to know. I would have liked to have a sit down with my mom and she lay it all out for me. It's taboo to let your children in on what your marriage is like. Good or bad but it shouldn't be. Yeah, keep your dirty laundry in the hamper while the kids are young but when they get older and you send them out into the world, give them real talk. When they are choosing boyfriends, girlfriends, wives and husbands, sit them down and lay it out for them. If you don't, take it from me, you are doing them a disservice. Do it the right way. If you are in a bad relationship, be honest and say, "I don't want this for you and these are the warning signs." If you are in a fabulous relationship - first of all, congrats - then tell them all of the secrets you learned about how to keep it that way.
Thursday, February 16, 2012
Taboo
When we are little girls and boys, we are taught to speak a certain way and behave a certain way but as you get older, especially now in this ever changing world, those rules are slowly disappearing one by one. Quite frankly, I find it liberating. It makes it okay for me to tell my daughter and my son the real deal about marriage and love. Not those fairy tale stories my mom told me and watched me walk into marriage with an unrealistic view of what married life and life in general is really all about. Don't get me wrong. I love my husband with every fiber of my being but I would have thought twice about a few things before I said 'I do.' I would have liked for my mother to have explained that there could have been a possibility that my husband could be totally oblivious to fiscal responsibility and spend all the money I worked for. I wish that she would have been real with me about what really goes on in the marital bed. I wish she would have been real with me when it came to arguments and decision making and gave me some insight regarding how to really resolve a conflict that just won't be resolved when I needed it to be resolved. She never said that my patience would be pushed, stretched, and dragged through hell and high water not by my children but by my man. When I asked her why she never said anything about some of this, all she said was "I had hoped that you would not go through that so, I didn't want to put it in the air." It took all that misshapen patience and self-control not to slap the shit out of her. She went through most of these things but never thought it a good idea to at least tell me the warning signs. My parents were good about hiding the real deal about their marriage. Some stuff we saw growing up but a lot we didn't and that would have been nice to know. I would have liked to have a sit down with my mom and she lay it all out for me. It's taboo to let your children in on what your marriage is like. Good or bad but it shouldn't be. Yeah, keep your dirty laundry in the hamper while the kids are young but when they get older and you send them out into the world, give them real talk. When they are choosing boyfriends, girlfriends, wives and husbands, sit them down and lay it out for them. If you don't, take it from me, you are doing them a disservice. Do it the right way. If you are in a bad relationship, be honest and say, "I don't want this for you and these are the warning signs." If you are in a fabulous relationship - first of all, congrats - then tell them all of the secrets you learned about how to keep it that way.
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